Jokes, Puns, and One-Liners

I just got back from a friend's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

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I was at a funeral the other day and a couple in front of me were arguing loudly about which herb goes best with which fish. I could only think it isn't the Thyme or Plaice.

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I tried forming a gang once, but it turned into a book club.

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Spilling a full drink you just paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon

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All labels become extremely interesting when you go to the bathroom without your phone

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How Long is a Chinese name.

…It’s not a question…

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Cow turns into Beef.

Deer becomes Venison.

Pig transforms to Pork.

Chicken… stays Chicken.

Way to not even try.

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Mercury has a harsh climate, as the daytime temperature is 430 degrees Celsius. At night, however, it freezes to -170 degrees Celsius.

First world problems.