NOTICE!

SKIP'S HOUSE OF CHAOS IS BACK!

After a 9-month unavoidable absence, the original Skip's House of Chaos is back online. From now until December 31, both it and Chaos Unbridled (this one) will run concurrently. As of January 1, 2016, this site will become inactive (but all previous posts will remain available), and all new posts will be solely on the new (old) site.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Want Ad Translations for Employees

Energetic self-starter: You’ll be working on commission.
Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.
Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this.
Fast learner: You will get no training from us.
Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime hours.
Good organisational skills: You’ll be handling the filing.
Make an investment in you future: This is a franchise or a pyramid scheme.
Management training position: You’ll be a salesperson with a wide territory.
Much client contact: You handle the phone or make “cold calls” on clients.
Must have reliable transportation: You will be required to break speed limits.
Must be able to lift 50 pounds: We offer no health insurance or chiropractors.
Opportunity of a lifetime: You will not find a lower salary for so much work.
Planning and coordination: You book the bosses travel arrangements.
Quick problem solver: You will work on projects months behind schedule already.
Strong communication skills: You will write tons of documentation and letters.

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