1. There are
plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.
2. Never cancel
dinner plans by text message.
3. Don’t knock it
‘til you try it.
4. If a street
performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
5. Always use
“we” when referring to your home team or your government.
6. When entrusted
with a secret, keep it.
7. DON’T
underestimate free throws in a game of HORSE.
8. Just because
you can doesn’t mean you should.
9. Don’t dumb it
down.
10. You only get
one chance to notice a new haircut.
11. If you’re
staying more than one night, unpack.
12. Never park in
front of a bar.
13. Expect the
seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
14. Keep a
picture of your first fish, first car, and first girl/boyfriend.
15. Hold your
heroes to a high standard.
16. A suntan is
earned, not bought.
17. Never lie to
your doctor.
18. All guns are
loaded.
19. Don’t mention
sunburns. Believe me, they know.
20. The best way
to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.
21. Take a
vacation from your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.
22. Don’t fill up
on bread, no matter how good it is.
23. A handshake
beats an autograph.
24. Don’t linger
in the doorway. In or out.
25. If you choose
to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.
26. If you want
to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.
27. Never get
your haircut the day of a special event.
28. Be mindful of
what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.
29. Never eat
lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.
30. When you’re
with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.
31. Eat lunch
with the new kids.
32. When
traveling, keep your wits about you.
33. It’s never
too late for an apology.
34. Don’t pose
with booze.
35. If you have
right of way, TAKE IT.
36. You don’t get
to choose your own nickname.
37. When you
marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.
38. Never push
someone off a dock.
39. Under no
circumstances should you ask a woman if she is pregnant.
40. It’s not
enough to be proud of your ancestry, live up to it.
41. Don’t make a
scene.
42. When giving a
thank you speech, short and sweet is best.
43. Know when to
ignore the camera.
44. Never gloat.
45. Invest in
great luggage.
46. Make time for
your mom on your birthday, It’s her special day too.
47. When opening
presents, no one likes a good guesser.
48. Sympathy is a
crutch, never fake a limp.
49. Give credit.
Take Blame.
50. Suck it up
every now and again.
51. Never be the
last one in the pool.
52. Don’t stare.
53. Address
everyone that carries a firearm professionally.
54. Stand up to
bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
55. If you’ve
made your point, stop talking.
56. Admit it when
you’re wrong.
57. If you offer
to help don’t quit until the job is done.
58. Look people
in the eye when you thank them.
59. Thank the bus
driver.
60. Never answer
the phone at the dinner table.
61. Forgive
yourself for your mistakes.
62. Know at least
one good joke.
63. Don’t boo.
Even the ref is somebody’s son.
64. Know how to
cook one good meal.
65. Learn to
drive a stick shift.
66. Be cool to
younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
67. It’s okay to
go to the movies by yourself.
68. Dance with
your mother/father.
69. Don’t lose
your cool. Especially at work.
70. Always thank
the host.
71. If you don’t
understand, ask before it’s too late.
72. Know the size
of your boyfriend/girlfriend's clothes.
73. There is
nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.
74. Be a good
listener. Don’t just take your turn to talk.
75. Keep your
word.
76. In college
always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately. Come grade time it might
come in handy.
77. Carry your
mother’s bags. She carried you for 9 months.
78. Be patient
with airport security. They are just doing their job.
79. Don’t be the
talker in a movie.
80. The opposite
sex likes people who shower.
81. You are what
you do. Not what you say.
82. Learn to
change a tire.
83. Be kind.
Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.
84. An hour with
grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.
85. Don’t litter.
86. If you have a
sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.
87. You won’t
always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.
88. Never call
someone before 9AM or after 9PM.
89. Buy the
orange properties in Monopoly.
90. Make the
little things count.
91. Always wear a
bra at work.
92. There is a
fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.
93. You’re never
too old to need your mom. Or your dad.
94. Ladies, if
you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on
and toning down how much your feet kill.
95. Know the
words to your national anthem.
96. Your dance
moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more
fun than sitting on the bench alone.
97. Smile at
strangers.
98. Make Goals.
99. Being old is
not dictated by your bedtime.
100. If you HAVE to
fight, punch first and punch hard.
(Thanks, Roger!)
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