Random Status Updates

The problem with having Facebook friends who run a goat farm is they're always posting pictures of their kids.

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Women love it when you kiss their neck.

Just not when they’re driving.

And you’re in the backseat.

And they don’t know you.

Evidently.

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Has anyone else noticed that mirrors look really sexy?

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I saw a chameleon today, so I’m assuming it wasn’t a very good one.

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Here’s a little-known historical fact: Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chests because it was a popular belief there would be countless water slides in the afterlife.

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I had to cat-sit this weekend for Erwin Schrödinger. I may or may not have some bad news for him.

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I scared some Jehovah’s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked.

I’m not sure what scared them more - me being totally naked, or the fact that I knew where they lived.

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I went to a wet t-shirt contest and what a disappointment THAT was. I’m thinking it would have been a lot more fun if they could have gotten the girls to actually WEAR them.  Looking back, that place was probably just a laundromat.

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Thought for the day: Every salad is a Caesar salad if you stab it enough times

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I’m thinking that so many of the conflicts back in the Wild West could have been avoided if the city planners had made the towns big enough for everyone.