The Joke

Coming out

One day, in Alaska...

The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

“We’re sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife”, said one of the troopers.

“Tell me! Did you find her?”, Wilkens exclaimed.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”

The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay .”

“Oh my God!”, exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”

The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”


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Hockey

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My prediction

(Thanks, Mo!)

Some of the best ideas ever...

and, finally...

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The Surgeon

Sam and John were out cutting wood, when John accidentally cut his arm off. Sam, who was trained in first aid, remained calm and wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and then took it and John to a surgeon.

The surgeon said, "You're in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours."

So Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon said, "I got done faster than I expected. John is down at the local pub."

Sam went to the pub and was amazed to see John throwing darts. "Wow" thought Sam," that surgeon does excellent work"

A few weeks later, Sam and John were out again, and John accidentally cut his leg off. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it, and John, back to the same surgeon.

The surgeon said, "Legs are a little tougher, but I'll see what I can do - come back in six hours."

Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early - John's down at the soccer field."

Sam went to the soccer field and there was John, kicking goals. "Wow" thought Sam "That surgeon is amazing"

A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and cut his head off.

Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon.

The surgeon said, "Gee, heads are really tough. Come back in twelve hours."

So Sam returned in twelve hours and the surgeon said, "I'm sorry, John died."

Sam said, "I understand - I know you tried your best. You are a very skilled surgeon but I'm sure heads are very difficult."

The surgeon said, "Oh, no! It wasn't that. He suffocated in that plastic bag!"


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Rare video of a panda in the wild

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Successful People vs. Unsuccessful People

Hmmm... do you know anybody who fits either of these descriptions?

So true...

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Website Wednesday 15.30

"Peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk digital wind..."

                I highly doubt any alcohol or vodka
                will solve any of my life's problems

                But I guess it's still worth the... shot

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(If you'd like to subscribe to the Website Wednesday mailing list,

shoot me an email and let me know)

9 Truths About Having Long Hair (or so I've been told)

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For the people wondering the difference between science and engineering

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The cast of Harry Potter - then and now

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Never Cross a Nun

Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car.  They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.  Suddenly, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses  through the windscreen.

"Quick, quick!!" shouts Sister Mary, "What shall I do?" 

"Turn the windshield wipers on.  "That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister Mary switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and hisses again at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts. 

"Switch on the windshield washer!   I filled it up with Holy Water in the Vatican," says Sister Helen.

Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and hisses again at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Mary.

"Show him your cross!" says Sister Helen.

Sister Mary opens the window and shouts:

          "GET OFF MY FU**ING CAR!!"