Saturday, October 31, 2015
A Tribute to Zombies in Movies
It’s the season for our attention to turn to zombies, for Halloween, for the return of The Walking Dead, for zombie walks, and just for fun. Robert Jones put together this supercut of zombies we’ve seen in so many horror movies over the years. Some are lame, some ridiculous, some scary, and some are the kind that would make you ill if you had to look at them any longer than this. The song is “Pretend We’re Dead” by L7.
(Thanks, Miss C!)
Halloween Humor
~~~~~
Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spotted a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, “I’m a Reese’s Monkey.”
~~~~~
~~~~~
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night... when behind him, he hears Bump... BUMP... BUMP... Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him FASTER... FASTER... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping-clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
…the coffin stops
~~~~~
~~~~~
This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he’s just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, “Dude, this is a Halloween party! You’re supposed to be wearing a costume?”
The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I’m a snail!”
“You’re a snail?”
“Yeah, I’m a snail,” says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, “This is Michelle.”
~~~~~
Simplest, yet most effective
Halloween treat:
~~~~~
So Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween.
Apparently they don’t appreciate strangers knocking on their door.
Friday, October 30, 2015
Boudreaux gets a construction job
A Houston construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came a Lower Cajun. I'm not hiring any Cajuns, the foreman thought to himself, so he made up a test hoping that the Cajun wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" The Cajun says. "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine." says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here is your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of DA trees is dirty now! So it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat's 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire this Coonass, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space again, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "Ere you go. One 'hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred."
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree, so now you've got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one 'hundred. So when I start?"
Thursday, October 29, 2015
One day, at the bakery...
The bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.
The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.
The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.
When she descends the ladder, he decides that he'd better get two loaves.
As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.
After several trips, she’s starting to get somewhat tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"
Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then she notices an elderly man standing in the crowd of observers.
Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she says to the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?"
"Nope," he says, "But it's twitchin’ a little!!!"
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Website Wednesday 15.44 (The Halloween Edition)
Website
Wednesday
the Halloween Edition
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail..."
Peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk, digital wind
the Halloween Edition
"From the Large Intestine of the Internets,
through the Sphincter of Electronic Mail..."
Peeing like a baby on a changing table
into the brisk, digital wind
I
used to be in
a band called
"Missing Dog".
You probably saw our posters.
You probably saw our posters.
Top of the Heap: 7th Annual Riverside Halloween House Light Show
10 Graveside Traditions at Famous Tombs
12 Things You Didn't Know About Pumpkins (Thanks, Melody!)
23 Two Sentence Horror Stories That Will Scare The Hell Out Of You
Halloween-Themed Movies, Ranked
Who Was Dr. Frankenstein? There were many men who could have inspired Mary Shelley’s creation.
15 Creepy Eyeball Treats Guaranteed To Scare Your Guests
10 of the Most Haunted Hotels in the World
The Art of the Jack-O-Lantern: More than just a pretty face
The Secrets to Growing a 2,000-Pound Pumpkin
The Stuff of Nightmares: 55 Genuinely Scary TV Episodes
38 Facts on Frankenstein (Including the Aerosmith song it inspired and the reason the Munsters never got sued)
The Great New England Vampire Panic
55 Genuinely Scary TV Episodes (Sphincter Factor: 9.6)
Are There Still Real Skeletons in Disneyland's Pirates of the Caribbean Ride? (short answer: probably)
The 13 Best Horror Movie Musical Themes
Website Wednesday archives
(If you'd like to subscribe to the Website Wednesday mailing list,
shoot
me an email and let me know)
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
My doctor.
So, I just got back from an appointment with my doctor.
He told me, "Don't eat anything fatty."
So I said, "Really? No bacon? No burgers?"
To which he replied, "No, fatty. Just don't eat anything."
He told me, "Don't eat anything fatty."
So I said, "Really? No bacon? No burgers?"
To which he replied, "No, fatty. Just don't eat anything."
Monday, October 26, 2015
Monday Mind Game
The time 12:21 is a palindrome, as it reads the same forwards or backwards.
What’s the shortest interval between two palindromic times?
example => 11:11 and 12:21 has interval of 1 hour and 10 minutes.
Give up?
Drag your cursor between the asterisks for the answer
*
Two minutes (between 9:59 and 10:01)
*
Sunday, October 25, 2015
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