OK, this will feel good, I promise:
1 Just admit you really don’t give two fucks about Harper Lee’s new novel.
2 Reddit without the trolls is a blank web page with an empty submit form.
3 You wouldn’t have noticed Neil Young was missing from your streaming service if he didn’t mention it.
4 Sometimes, you tweet something heartfelt about the need for gender equality in the tech industry and then go to Pornhub right after.
5 While you fully support the boost that Caitlyn Jenner is giving to the transgender community, you have a sneaking suspicion she’s as much of a jackass as Bruce Jenner was.
6 You marvel at the achievement of the scientists who sent a camera 3 billion miles to get photos of Pluto. But when given the choice, you clicked through to an article on how to brew perfect coffee every time.
7 Though you’ve been given countless opportunities to understand the ins and outs of the Greek/Euro bailout deal (some of which have been boiled down to a single chart), if you were put on the spot, the best you could probably come up with would be, “Yeah, Greece. Wow, huh?”
8 You yelled at your kids while reading an article on limiting kids’ screen times.
9 You went back and watched Ariana Grande licking donuts a few more times, even after you had completed your thinkpiece on the subject.
10 You’d be reasonably happy if the earth burst into flames just to get a chance to say “I told you so” to climate change deniers.
11. You once called for a soda tax while drinking a bowl of cheese dip.
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