23,741 Days Young, But Who's Counting?

As my son handed me my 65^th birthday card today I told him, “One would’ve been enough.”

Birthdays are like boogers. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe.

My lesbian neighbors bought me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch…

What did the pirate say on his birthday?

“AYE, matey!”

What did the kid with no hands get for his birthday?
Gloves!

Just kidding. No one knows. He hasn’t opened it yet.

That awkward moment when people are singing “Happy Birthday” to you and you don’t know what to do.

Balloons are so weird.  “Happy birthday! Here’s a plastic sack of my breath!”

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live the longest.