My dad's favorite joke

A grizzled old Chief Boatswain’s Mate is stationed on a ship that’s in drydock for several months. He decides he wants to live ashore, so he asks several of his crewmates if they know of anyone who might be renting an apartment or a room.

One sailor tells him, “Well, I do know of this one elderly lady who’s renting out one of her rooms, but I don’t think you’d really like it there, Chief. She’s a pretty religious person, and you tend to… swear… quite a bit.”

“Aw, hell… I can control my language with the best of ‘em. Gimmee her name and address.”

So the sailor responds, “Okay, but listen – she reads the Bible every day, and she’ll probably ask if you do, too. Ever read the Bible, Chief?”

“Nope.”

“Okay, no problem. Just tell her that you do, and that your favorite story in the Bible is the one about Samson.”

The Chief looks confused and asks, “Samson? Who the #$@!k’s Samson???”

The kid says, “He was the guy who took the jawbone of an ass and slew five thousand Philistines.”

So the Chief responds, “Okay, got it”, and sets out to visit the old lady.

Upon arriving, he rings the doorbell and sure enough, this pleasant, elderly lady answers. “Yes, young man. How can I help you?”

The Chief, in his best, polite, voice growls out, “Yes, ma’am. I understand you have a room for rent, and I’d like to take a look at it.”

The old gal is somewhat skeptical, taking in the appearance of this old, salty sea-dog, but nevertheless invites him in for tea and to ask him a few questions. After a few of those she says, “So what do you like to do in your spare time, young man?”

The Chief, knowing this is his opportunity, says, “Well ma’am, they keep me pretty busy with my duties aboard ship, but when I DO have some free time, I like to read the Bible!”

The lady is absolutely elated. “Oh, that’s wonderful,” she says. “More young people should be reading the Good Book.”  Then she asks, “What’s your favorite story?”

With a knowing smile the Chief growls, “Well ma’am, I like ‘em all, but I think my favorite is the story of Swanson.”

The old lady says, “Swanson? Who’s Swanson?”

“You know, ma’am… the story of Swanson!”

Getting irritated, the woman says sternly, “Young man, I’ve read the Good Book from cover-to-cover SEVERAL times, and I can tell you without reservation that there is no ‘Swanson’ in the Bible!”

And the Chief says, “Oh sure, c’mon - you know! Swanson! The guy who took the jawbone of a horse and beat the ass off of five hundred Filipinos!”