Stuff All Guys Do

21 Weird Things Almost All Guys Do But Don't Realize (As Expressed By Women)

And The Responses

(From Men)

1. The Pants Slap. Slapping his pockets before leaving the house to ensure his wallet and phone are there.
Yeah. And also keys. It's the three-pocket pat, and we definitely realize we do it.

2. Lowering his voice by an octive when talking to his dad on the phone.
Above all else, never let your father believe you are girly, even if you are gay. Lowering your voice is a great way to come off as manly.

3. When you ask him a question and he can't decide whether he should answer with a lie, he'll say "What?" to buy more time.
Not even that complicated. We were probably just zoned out when you asked and didn't hear you.

4. Conversely, raising his voice by an octave when trying to sound polite or empathetic.
Or talking to animals. Never trust a guy who doesn't have a special dog voice.

5. Bonding with other guys by hating each other's interests.
And making fun of each other. Don't forget that one.

6. Grimacing while he struggles to pull his wallet from his back pocket while sitting down.
Seriously? It's a weird angle to twist and the pocket is always too tight for your hand and a wallet. The struggle is real.

7. Not washing his bed sheets for long periods of time. Like, months.
Yep. We've got better things to do, like sit on the toilet for hours on end!

8. Taking SO LONG to poop. Really, what's going on in there? Did you fall in? Is it a Narnia situation?
They don't call it "The Throne" for nothing. The toilet is a sacred place where a man can collect his thoughts. Also, once your legs fall asleep, you don't want to stand up.

9. Taking his shirt off by pulling the neck hole over his head.
We do that to turn it inside out, making it easier to wear again.

10. When hugging another man, clapping them on the back twice.
Okay, I'm not really sure why this is a thing. But it is.

11. Keeping large amounts of change around his room in some form. Usually in a container or scattered around the floor.
All of the pocket change has to go somewhere at the end of the day.

12. Asking how long they need to put something in the microwave.
God bless the packaging for giving us suggested times.

13. Snot rockets in the shower.
I know, right? So much snot. Where does it all come from?

14. Liking sports teams. They'll almost beat each other up over how bad the other teams' players are, but afterward they want to see each other again and are weirdly satisfied.
Similar to #5.

15. Making weird faces while playing video games, especially when stuck or rapid firing.
You need to worry when we STOP making faces. That's when controllers start getting thrown.

16. Peeing on the sides of the toilet so it makes less noise.
Absolutely. It also cleans the poop stains And aiming your pee is just so much fun to do.

17. Being able to sit in the same place and not talk.
Silence is golden.

18. The condiment slam. They don't simply set the nearly empty ketchup bottle on its lid for a gravity assist. Instead, they'll slam it against the counter like it just insulted their mother.
Personally, I prefer to slam it against my hand, or just the air. There's no sense in waiting for the ketchup to run to the top of the bottle when you can just get it there yourself.

19. The awkward crab-sideways-step when trying to unstick their balls from their thigh.
It's really uncomfortable, and that way it doesn't look like we're grabbing our junk in public. It's also really good for fixing wedgies.

20. When they don't know each other but are thrown into a social situation together (like a double date), they instantly become besties and have a sort of secret bro-handshake that every guy seems to know.
Bros are going to stick together to make it out alive. Neither wants to be there, so we'll keep each other company until it's over.

21. Sticking a hand down their pants while watching TV. No reason, really. Just 'cause.
Honestly, it's just really comfortable, and our balls are super warm, which is a plus.

We pretty much realize we do all of these things. 

We just don't put much thought into them. 

Because we're guys.